You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
