I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
