I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
