Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
