their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
be right there i have to get my cape
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
