He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
