i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
