singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
