you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
