Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
