Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
