Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
