my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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