You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
