I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
