why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
