If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This baby is an asshole
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize
