I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
