I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
