He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
