Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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