im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
