apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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