so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
