I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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