You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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