Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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