my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
