If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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