I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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