She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
