I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
