We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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