I didn't shave. On purpose
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
