He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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