Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
