i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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