if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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