Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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