I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
