Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
