I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
