I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
