ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
