The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
