dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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