Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does one acquire holy water?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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