Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
