If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
