question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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