I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
