Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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