That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
