I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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