I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
