like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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