Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
