if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
