We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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