I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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