Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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